Georgia on my Mind

Everything feels strange. I am a mixture of emotions about leaving Ecuador and going back home. Last week, the call from home was so strong that it almost hurt to think about it. This week, I’ve been slowly becoming sentimental and trying to soak in everything Ecuadorian while I can.

Last week home was all I seemed to think about. I could almost feel Pepper lying next to me in bed and I could almost taste my dad’s cooking. Talking to my family was almost torture because talking on the computer just didn’t seem to do it for me anymore.

But this week, while I still the same yearning for home, those feelings are a tiny bit on the backburner. This has been my own conscious doing, too. I don’t want to waste too much of  my Ecuadorian time wishing I was somewhere else – I’ll be there soon enough and though I couldn’t be more excited I know I will be leaving something extremely special and precious behind me.

For one, my host family. You canNOT imagine how incredible these people are. I have felt welcomed and a part of their family from day one – and that is by no means an easy feat. It’s awkward to be a living with a strange family when you do understand the language and culture. But in all my 4 months here I cannot find any faults whatsoever with them. Sure, they’re a family and they’re not perfect – like the sisters bicker at times. But you can tell how much they love each other. They have gone so beyond what they signed up for to show me a wonderful time and to make me feel completely at home. I can’t be happier and I am so thankful for them. I hope I can even convey to them even a fraction of how happy they have made me feel.

Even their extended family has been more than great. Especially the grandparents. There is this aura about them that makes me want to be around them all the time. When I hug mi abuela, I can just feel how genuine she is when she says she’s glad to see me. She has been one of my number one encouragers of learning Spanish and praising my efforts. And mi abuelo is a mixture of quiet ease, light teasing and intelligence.

These people are the salt of the earth and I know they completely mean it when they say I have to come back and visit and bring my parents with me. I hope that one day these two families who are so important to me can meet. And I hope that I keep up regular contact with mi familia. Who knows? Maybe when the girls are old enough, they will attend a university where I’m living…

I will be truly sad to leave them.

I also am going to miss all my students. Goodness, they are a hot mess. But they keep me laughing all day long (whether they mean to or not). Their eagerness to learn is contagious and I feel I have to keep up with them (which I believe is a good thing). Their curiosity is inspiring. And of course, their humor. I can’t even be mad at them long. They have this wit about them that I believe is beyond their years. They can take sarcasm as much as they can dish it out. I’ve never met a group of kids who are so enthusiastic about welcoming me into their classroom.  I could brag about them all day long and even though I always say how much they drive me crazy, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I will also miss the random kindness of people in this country and the patience they have displayed for an ignorant gringa like me. Overall, my experience with the Ecuadorian people has been very encouraging and welcoming and I have no complaints. I will miss the excitement of getting in a taxi, not knowing what kind of conversation I will have with the taxi-driver.

And of course, I will miss the beauty of the country. The immense patch-work mountains, the green fields dotted with cows, the purest beaches I’ve ever seen, the vast forests, the amazing amount of extraordinary animals… the list goes on and on. And along with experiencing the beauty, I have done many unbelievable things I never ever in my entire life thought I would do:  learning to surf, snorkeling with sea lions, bungee jumping, being able to [uhhh… “somewhat easily”] climb up to high peaks…

But even those feats of seeing and doing all that I did does not compare to how I’ve changed as a person. At home, I need to know what’s going on: when are we meeting, what are we doing, who is coming etc. I would become so irritated if I had to wait on someone. (Here we have what we refer to “gringo time” and “Ecuadorian time” – and even us gringos no longer constantly operate on gringo time – that might be a forewarning for you folks back home). Before I left, I knew that there would be plenty of things that were out of my control or even out of my knowledge. I told myself that I would just laugh when things didn’t go my way and tell myself that however it turns out, it’s always an adventure (siempre una aventura). Of course, that’s always easier said than done. But I believe that for the most part, I have truly put into action my motto. When I travel, or when dealing with problems at school my attitude has changed — my attitude is a much easier thing to change than the things around me.

I believe I was independent before I came to Ecuador, but I think I’ve had become even more so. I had no choice here – I didn’t know the language, the culture, how things “worked” or where things were but I didn’t ever expect anyone to hold my hand. I would ask around and I got things done. One of the most nerve-racking things I have done here is getting into a taxi by myself and telling the driver how to get to my home. But I didn’t let that stop me and by the end of my trip, I feel like pro. Before, the idea of living in the city or living by myself or living in another state made me feel somewhat apprehensive. I know I could do it but I had my reservations. Now, forget it. Living in another state sounds like a breeze – just by knowing the language changes everything. I have learned more about Ecuador by using my shoddy Spanish than I feel I have about my own country in my own language. This feeling that I can literally do anything, that I won’t let my inexperience or ignorance of something stop me, is so liberating. I feel like some Amazon woman. Bring it on. I got this.

I also feel like an Amazon woman because I am more self-reliant. That’s not to say that I didn’t have support here from mi familia, my KSU friends or people at school but… nothing is the same as your own family and your best friend. I have had to be my own cheerleader while here. I’ve had to tell myself that the stupid things I’ve done on a daily basis do not define who I am (and trust me, I’ve done a lot of stupid things here). No one else was around to say not to worry about it. I have tried to not let the small things get to me and I have forced myself to be positive – if I hadn’t, I think would have gone crazy. This also is liberating – I know that I can handle it out there in the big scary world because I don’t need other people to define who I am, I don’t need constant reassurance; I already know who I am. And ya know what? I kind like who I am, too.

I also realize how determined and stubborn I am. I have improved by leaps and bounds my Spanish – it’s incredible to think how I literally knew NOTHING when I came here and now I can carry on a conversation. Didn’t let my ignorance stop me there. I’ve been stubborn when climbing mountains – I, me, Lindsey, CLIMB. MOUNTAINS. To very high heights. I have never pushed myself so physically in my life. I’ve been stubborn in not letting my troubles get to me (which is not to say that I haven’t had my moments). I had a situation and later people would ask how things are going. I’ve had my doubts, complaints and frustrations but I think I was honest when I would answer: “Nothing has really changed but my attitude about the situation. Made things better.”  I don’t think I’ve ever pushed myself emotionally here. But as with all these other things I’ve learned about myself, I realize how strong I really am.

Of couse, this is only my perception. And only time will tell. Once I get back home, I hope these changes in me will still be there and will continue to improve.

I’ve also realized things about the people in my life. Missing my family has made me realize how much I love them and how wouldn’t trade them for the world (it’s a cliché, I know but I truly, truly mean it). I’ve also realized how blessed I am by hearing about other peoples’ families here. I don’t love my family because I have to, I love my family because I actually like them. I like spending time with them. I like how they let me be myself. I like how they encourage whatever is important to me. I like what kind of people they are – they’re intelligent, willing to learn new things, open-minded, very funny, and they care about people. Even if they were not my family I would say what wonderful people they are – they want to do the right things and they have raised me with their convictions, blessings and knowledge.

I also am so lucky because they are proud of me. When talking about graduation, I have realized that some parents are not as impressed with me and my friends’ accomplishments as my parents are about mine. I feel that in many, many ways my graduating is as much (if not more) a testament to my parents’ love, dedication and work in getting me to this point. Without them, I don’t know if I would be able to come back from a 4-month stay in another country (where I went with their blessing) and then graduate with all these great things I’ve accomplished on my resume. I am so blessed to have a family who shares this huge mutual love for each other.

I am also blessed to have an incredible best friend. It really is true what they say – “absence makes the heart grow fonder.” She has been a constant in my life and besides my family has been my main support in hard times. She is patient, kind, non-judgmental (a very important thing to have with girl friends), intelligent, someone I can turn to for honest advice (another thing that can be hard to find in girl friends), funny, incredibly fun, and best of all, she likes me for me. After ten years, she knows all my flaws and yet she still has struck around. Not only has she stuck around but she has been one of my number one supports, encouragers and someone who has cheered me up – an active participant in this relationship that knows that friendship is a two-way street. It’s a comfort to have someone who knows who you truly are and still wants to be your friend.

These things are the things I have been pondering over the last three, loooong weeks. These are the things that are in my heart as I go back home. Home. It’s such a powerful concept. Here I come to tank tops, flip-flops, and Southern cooking.